How was your weekend?

Sometimes I hate being asked this question, especially this weekend. Of course I always respond with “It was good!” Here’s my real answer.

“Well… not great. Actually, everything was good until I relapsed.”

I’m turning 28 tomorrow and you would think that’s an age where one should definitely have their shit together. I feel so far away from having it together! Life happens but I have this expectation that I’ll never relapse again. I’ll never lose control and get black out drunk again. But I did.

The feelings of depression hit hard when a relapse happens, not only is alcohol a depressant but its just a huge set back in general for someone’s sobriety. A fresh start in this case doesn’t feel so fresh. A positive perspective about this situation is I can wake up tomorrow and set an intention for year 28 of my life. Here is a list of my intentions so I can look back and keep myself accountable.

• Create a routine that is consistent yet flexible
• Take time for myself and use it wisely
• Bring in an income so I can take the stress off my fiancé
• Start the YouTube channel I have always dreamed of starting
• Put my faith first, family second
• Learn a new skill

I cant decide if 6 things is underwhelming or overwhelming but I think if I revisit this list monthly, it’ll help me stay on track. Maybe I’ll just print them out and have it somewhere I can see everyday.

Anyways, relapsing on anything you struggle with is hard and you absolutely have to get back up and try again. You cannot give up and let it consume you. We are only human and we are as strong as we decide we want to be. If you’re struggling with an addiction, you’re not alone. I’m with you and I’m cheering you on in your journey.

With all my love, Kaylyn