How was your weekend?

Sometimes I hate being asked this question, especially this weekend. Of course I always respond with “It was good!” Here’s my real answer.

“Well… not great. Actually, everything was good until I relapsed.”

I’m turning 28 tomorrow and you would think that’s an age where one should definitely have their shit together. I feel so far away from having it together! Life happens but I have this expectation that I’ll never relapse again. I’ll never lose control and get black out drunk again. But I did.

The feelings of depression hit hard when a relapse happens, not only is alcohol a depressant but its just a huge set back in general for someone’s sobriety. A fresh start in this case doesn’t feel so fresh. A positive perspective about this situation is I can wake up tomorrow and set an intention for year 28 of my life. Here is a list of my intentions so I can look back and keep myself accountable.

  • Create a routine that is consistent yet flexible
  • Take time for myself and use it wisely
  • Bring in an income so I can take the stress off my fiancé
  • Start the YouTube channel I have always dreamed of starting
  • Put my faith first, family second
  • Learn a new skill

I cant decide if 6 things is underwhelming or overwhelming but I think if I revisit this list monthly, it’ll help me stay on track. Maybe I’ll just print them out and have it somewhere I can see everyday.

Anyways, relapsing on anything you struggle with is hard and you absolutely have to get back up and try again. You cannot give up and let it consume you. We are only human and we are as strong as we decide we want to be. If you’re struggling with an addiction, you’re not alone. I’m with you and I’m cheering you on in your journey.

With all my love, Kaylyn

A Sandwich to out sandwich all the sandwiches

A memoir

I was craving a BLT but I had no L or T so instead I made a BSE… and it was the best sandwich I’ve had in a long time.

B is for Bacon 🥓 duh

S is for spinach🥗- rich in iron, potassium, vitamins E and C, and magnesium

E is for egg 🍳- deliciously runny🥹

The sandwich also contained notes of Swiss cheese and off-brand sriracha between two perfect slices of Dave’s Killer Bread 🍞

Is your mouth watering yet? Mine is just remembering how good it was🥲 I just might make it again tomorrow.

Feeling Some Type of Way

For me this was always just a saying that people said because it’s trendy but tonight it’s the only way I could describe my feelings.

It’s Monday so naturally I’m hoping to start the week off strong.. but even after 2 cups of coffee, I’m just not feeling it. I got some laundry put away but the house still looks like I’ve done nothing.

Cup 3 of coffee… nothing

Baby starts getting sleepy so I decide to nap with her. A short 30 minutes go by and she’s awake again.

Still no energy. No motivation. No feelings really.

Being a mom was just hard today.

When I started to “feel some type of way” it was almost like a longing to go back to what life was like a few years ago. Drinking, smoking, being careless and acting a fool. I was at my heaviest weight, you could see it in my face. The alcohol had control of my life and I spent many many mornings wondering what happened the night before, having feelings of regret. I was in the lowest place I’d ever been in.

So… why was I feeling this way? Why was I longing for a drink or a couple hits?

I haven’t figured it out yet but the feeling thankfully went away.

What do you do when you’re feeling “some type of way”?

Why I’m glad I didn’t start sooner

“You’ll look back in 5 years and wish you had started now.”

Think about where you were 5 years ago today and ask yourself these 3 questions.

  • Was my mindset negative or positive?
  • Have I gone through experiences since then that have had a large impact on the way I think?
  • Was I happier then than I am now?

I imagine you’ve had some sort of event happen in the past 5 years that challenged you to grow into who you are now, or who you’re trying to become. I mean, we all went through the covid era, right? It wasn’t just me? Hopefully you’re in a happier place now and hopefully you’ve grown as a person.

Now think about something you’ve always wanted to try. Would you rather give it a try with a negative mindset, fearing you’ll fail or worried about what people will think of you? OR would you rather try with a positive mindset and be open minded that you could potentially fail and learn from it?

I’m choosing the latter.

If I would have started a blog 5 years ago who knows what things I would’ve talked about. I know 2 things for sure; I wouldn’t have had a positive mindset and I definitely wouldn’t have been consistent. Fast forward to now, I have my own little family (an amazing fiancé and the cutest daughter), I actually have goals (short term and long term), and the growth is obvious to everyone who knows me on a personal level. I have confidence that I haven’t ever had! I feel healthy and beautiful and important. Call me crazy but I’m so glad things took time to happen for me so I could learn along the way, because where I am now is exactly where I need to be.

Rigid Schedule or Go With The Flow?

Typically Sundays are thought to be the day before a busy week. You either plan out what you will be doing the next 5-7 days or at-least have an idea of things you need to do each day. But what happens when things don’t go as planned?

When this happens do you resist or give in? Today I tried to resist the change in plans. I got irritated and thought “well today isn’t going to be productive”, then I had this feeling of ‘looking on the brighter side’. The day was productive, just in a different way than I had planned.

Once I decided to “give in” everything just happened organically. I put on an outfit that made me feel confident. I felt so creative, inspired, and I got to enjoy it all with my little family of three.

Don’t get me wrong, schedules can be very important and give us structure in our lives but sometimes it’s good to just go with the flow.

Design a site like this with WordPress.com
Get started